By your many names, I am still to call you mine and mine forever. By your many faces, I am still to look at the one etched on my cornea… forever a part of my vision. I have seen the essence of your smile brighten up the darkest of rooms, worn by imitations and distorted refractions of you.
It seems my journey to you has truly begun again. I have recognised you in the many places that I have been in search of you. Whether it was your lingering perfume or the footprint you left in the sand, I have felt your presence though you were not quite there. It’s not easy, my love; holding onto what looks and feels like you only to be shown that my instincts were wrong by the world and myself. Don’t get me wrong, my angel; I am only made more humble knowing that the road to the greatness that is you is lined with the struggles that will affirm my readiness for you, as I am sure your journey is too.
Though I would not wish any pain upon you, if my travels are anything to go by… I know yours is not an easy road either. Part of my sadness is that I cannot hold your hand through it all and tell you that it’s all going to be ok and that we will one day be. I will in no way be the end of your problems; in fact I can guarantee that I will be the cause of a few. At the same time, I can guarantee that my intent is good, and it will pave a road contrary to hell.
I want to protect you as if you were born from me, the way I know I am both born from you and for you. I know in my heart that you are out there. I can only hope that you believe that I am out there searching for you. I will never be lost knowing I am searching for you. Be strong in your search for me.
As much as I know that you have already forgiven me for the mistakes I have made and will make, in what will be the past to our future forever, I still bear enough to ask you… please forgive me? I have now done and am done with what can be referred to as the “young man’s way” of finding you; with naivetè and carelessness for my actions and consequences thereof for others.
I am scared too, my baby; scared that my soul will not be able to recognise yours the longer my search goes on. I am scared that my impatience under the guise of eagerness will make me settle for something that isn’t you. I am scared that I have already met you and you have ruled me out without discovering the grown point, my relevant growth point that would make me perfect for you.
I once said in the past that perfection is chased by those who are not satisfied with who they are. I do not stray from my statement. I only move forward with the knowledge that the kind of perfection I seek is one defined by me and me alone. Enveloping all the imperfections that will propel our growth into what we will later describe as exactly what we needed to make it last to the forever we can only hold as “till death do us part”.
My fears, however, are not enough to drain my heart’s energy to carry on. It is because I know and believe that you are out there that fear becomes the police to the actions that keep me from losing you once I have the privilege to call you mine and mine forever.
Time’s relativity coupled with relativity to its end brings me down to the realistic realisation that on my death bed, the idea of you may just be the culmination of all the destinations I have had the honour of visiting. I need you to know that if that be the case, I am still truly and forever grateful because I have been very fortunate in love, enough to consider myself the luckiest man in this world.
So this letter is to you, my lady. For you to know that you are not alone. You are not alone in the search for that forever somebody. I exist in this realm and all realms that have a need for holistic balance. We exist for each other the way night exists for day, the way right exists for wrong and the way beginnings exist for endings.
By your many names I have not yet had the privilege to call you mine and mine forever. Know that I am because you are. The universe will one day see fit to put us together. For that day I guarantee we will be equipped for everything we need to know to make us last for the forever we can only hold as “till death do us part”.
– Call me Dizzle